How Is Couples Therapy Different in Postpartum?

Postpartum couples therapy begins with the understanding that tremendous change is happening.

The relationship itself can shift overnight after the birth of a baby or the loss of a pregnancy. People are in a state of complete rearrangement, and trying to do that alongside another person can create friction within the couple.

For some, it can feel like a significant distance has opened up. For others, they may feel as though they are in constant proximity and getting on each other’s last nerves.

There is also an identity shift happening that cannot be ignored.

Postpartum couples therapy is not only about how two people related to each other before. It is also about how they are going to relate to each other now, after something so transformative. For many people, becoming a parent changes how they understand themselves, their partner, and the relationship itself.

When a birth has been traumatic, there can be another kind of disconnect. Two people can go through the same life event and come away carrying very different experiences of it. That gap can be hard to bridge when each person is still trying to make sense of what happened.

My work begins with hearing each person’s experience. Not just what happened, but what it meant to each person and how it impacted them emotionally.

From there, we start to understand what has happened between them. One person may be reaching harder for connection while the other pulls away. The more one reaches, the more the other retreats, and both can end up feeling increasingly alone. What shows up as anger may be covering hurt or fear. What looks like distance may be someone feeling overwhelmed or unsure how to respond.

In therapy, we work to understand that cycle and what is happening underneath it so each person can begin responding to the other differently.